Invincible

Sometimes it's just so easy to convince ourselves that we are invincible. 

Now don't get me wrong, I don't mind believing in my own invincibility. It helps me carry on. Believing in myself, my strength, my confidence, and my own abilities--that all keeps me going. I guess the mentality is something along the lines of "fake it 'till you make it": if you believe that nothing can hurt you, then maybe nothing can. 

I'm young. I'm on the cusp of a new beginning. I cannot wait to barrel forth into the metaphorical (and hopefully literal) sunset. 

I've been using big-girl words recently. The main one: "career". I'm ready to start building this future for myself, one that will undoubtedly require hard work and dedication to the things I'm passionate about. I fixate on my goals. I overachieve. I immerse myself in work. After all, my happy place is a big open space in which I can putter around doing something that I love. 

But when I do that, I forget about something that actually might be somewhat important. My heart. I don't know... I guess I convince myself that I don't need any of that mushy shit: it's a waste of time and boys are stupid. My work, my career, my goals--those will always be there for me when I wake up in the morning. Those are the kind of things in which I can place my faith. 

So I convince myself that I'm better off without some dorky dude in my life and I am happy that way. Until one day when I walk down the street and see one too many happy couples or hear about yet another person finding their soul mate in line at Citi Bank. It's then that I realize that maybe I'm not as invincible as I thought. 

As crushing as the realization that I'm not superhuman can be, I also really appreciate these moments. You have to understand, this is a pattern for me... 

1. Work obnoxiously hard.
2. Realize that I feel a little bit lonely.
3. Meet some guy and daydream just a little too much.
4. Get over it.

...And repeat cycle. I don't mind the pattern at all, though! It's a nice reality check, being reminded that I'm only human and all. Feelings, however messy and superfluous they may seem, can be the greatest quarries of inspiration. Of passion.

If you're getting anything from reading these blog posts, let it be this: my life's mission is the pursuit of passion. Without passion, you have nothing. Whether that passion is ignited through doing what you love or just loving someone else, let that passion thrive. And never write passion off. 

And finally: feel deeply, love endlessly, and live fearlessly.