Caffeinated and Covered in Charcoal

I'm doing a senior project in drawing, and my concentration is in portraiture. By being an artist, you're telling the world a lot about yourself.

For example: I chose portraiture because people fascinate me--especially the dichotomy between appearances and reality. I chose drawing because it's an incredibly personal way to interact with my subject and my art; I see a lot of myself in the portraits I make of others.

I end up surprising myself a lot in this endeavor. Meaning bursts forth in places and ways I could never have imagined. For instance, what does it mean that once of my final pieces in a grown man shrouded in darkness and the other is a little girl surrounded by white space? I have an idea, but I'd rather hear what someone else had to say about it.

Today someone said to me, "How come I never knew that you draw?" The thing is, I never knew that I could draw either.

I go through my life in a very specific way; I try new things, find things that I like/am good at and then pursue those and little else. As a result, it appears to the outside world that I'm good at everything I do, when in fact I choose to do the things I'm good at. (I'd also argue, however, that being good at something comes from loving it)

Drawing was something that I used to love when I was young (around the age of 7). One day though, I realized that I wasn't as good at it as I would have liked to be, and I just stopped. I had millions of other things to try, and it didn't pay to focus my energy into someone that simply wasn't yielding results.

I didn't pick up a pencil again in earnest for a decade after that. This past summer, which I spent hanging out with artistic friends, I was overcome with the urge to try again. So I bought a sketchbook and just drew what I saw. And I wasn't half bad!

So naturally I wanted to do my senior project in drawing: I just had to take advantage of the resources this school has to offer. Drawing calms the mind. I don't have to think as deeply as I usually do--I just focus on what I see.

Before today I was worried about not having enough to show for my final project. But I realized that even though I've been lacking inspiration for the past couple of weeks, it's those days of blind inspiration that will always keep me going.